How to achieve hanball SUPER-DUPER stardom!

I’ve already posted one comic on the wonderful sport known as European Handball  (and for those who don’t know… it’s pretty awesome). The major problem with the sport in Canada, however, remains the fact that NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF IT!! When describing it, I’ve begun to notice that I’m basically lying to anyone interested in hearing about the sport. During my last conversation, I told the listener that it was a mixture of soccer, basket-ball, water polo, ballet, and ultimate frisbee. I’m pretty sure I left them thinking the sport looked like this:

The truth is, there are two nets, two goalies, you can bounce the ball, take three steps without bouncing, and there are 7 players on the court at once. One of the unique features of the sport stems from the fact the goal is guarded by a magical painted line (aka- crease).  It’s important to keep this magical line in mind while playing as you are not allowed to step on or cross over it prior to chucking balls at the goalie. Basically… don’t be chillin’ in the crease.

In an effort to make the sport comprehensible for my fellow North Americans, I have devised 3 simple rules to follow for anyone looking to become a handball superstar.

1.       Lose all fear

According to the “Bad-ass Sport Chart,” handball requires a bit more contact than basket-ball… but less contact then bull fighting.
You have to mentally prepare yourself to take down, or be taken down, by your opponent.  One key rule therefore to help cope with the prospect of being run over is to lose ALL fear. Even when you have a 250 pound Ninja Kitty charging at you, you must  ignore your terror and stop them to the best of your ability.

Please note: this doesn’t ALWAYS work. For example, sometimes you may end up feeling like Gandalf trying to fend off a gigantic Balrog (you might also need to watch Lord of the Rings to know what I’m talking about).2.       Learn how to fly like someone from The Matrix

I haven’t quite figured out how or why handball players can seemingly jump like kangaroos and float in the air… but they can. One day I hope to learn about this magical ability. I think renting The Matrix a few more times might help.

3.       Don’t dress like a basketball player

Simply put: it’s apparently not cool. So don’t do it.

There you have it! To those who have never played handball, I have provided you with  the necessary tools to go out onto the court and show everyone what you are made of.  Just remember to  fly through the air without any fear whilst wearing your non-basketball clothing.

Cheerios and good luck!

UPDATED: Here is the link to the first Comic previously posted about handball –


About Ninja Kitties

I am as deep as an ocean...
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5 Responses to How to achieve hanball SUPER-DUPER stardom!

  1. haha made me laugh nice one

  2. haha made me laugh nice one

  3. Dad says:

    I want to become a ninja kitty hand ball player , sign me up .

  4. redwheelbarrow1957 says:

    Really 250 pounds/?

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