As mentioned in a previous post, I play European Handball. Shockingly, this is a sport teeming with Europeans. Being one of the only Canadians means I take on a minority role and spend most of my time studying their habits (unbeknownst to them). As a result of years of being creepy, I have learnt a lot about their cultures, people, and beer drinking customs. It is for this reason that I’m now ready to share what I’ve learnt with the world!!! This is the first installment of a series of posts called “Things I know about Europeans.” Today I am going to target Dutch people.
I know a lot about Dutch people. I’ve eaten their licorice, drank their beer, and even cheered for their soccer team. There are a few things I’ve discovered through eavesdropping, and indirect inquiries that I realize are 100% accurate. I will now share what I know.
- All Dutch people are tall.
Yep, I’m pretty sure that all Dutch people are tall. In fact, I know this one Dutch guy, and his name is conveniently Paul, so every time I look at him I start to sing the chorus of the following song to myself:
2. All Dutch people love Hagel Slag (not even 100% sure its called Hagel Slag, but I’m going with what google tells me)
What the fuck is Hagel Slag and why is it apparently amazing? I unfortunately don’t have answers to this question. All I can tell you is based on my interaction with one person, I am now certain that every single Dutch person must spend hours talking of these magical chocolate sprinkle things that you put on bread. I personally don’t understand what the fuss is about. Then again, I’ve never had any. I’ve just decided that eating these sprinkles must put you in some drug like sugar induced euphoric state.
3. All Dutch people have Omas and Opas
4. All Dutch people think I’m awesome
Yep! This is also true. I get three kisses on the cheek each time I encounter one. Pretty sure that means they think I’m awesome. It’s probably because I like to have mountain knife fights in ORANGE sweaters. In fact, I actually own two whole orange sweaters. Wearing the colour of the House of Oranje-Nassau (their royal family)… it’s what I do.
So if you’re Dutch, and want to be my friend, I think we should be friends. We can hold hands, ride our bikes past windmills all the while eating stroopwafels. I think it could be the beginning of a meaningful friendship 🙂